I have been doing a lot of thinking lately; to the point of poor sleep, my mind is so restless. I keep on thinking about time, and our response to it, and people and how we effect each other. I know without fail that we are all here for a reason, and by means of a beautiful plan we are all intricately connected. I think about my part in that: what it means, what I am for, what I am supposed to do and contribute, who I will effect. I don't say that in a selfish way, but almost a scared way. We all have a purpose, and it is our job to accomplish it and so on. It can be overwhelming to always try and be in the right place at the right time, but I will say, I do try.
I was looking at a stack of magazines that I started buying last year, one read March 2007, and I remembered when I bought it, and I remember what was going on in my life on those days. I remember that about every three months I think my life is over, that I have come to the end as far as pain or anguish, happiness or discovery is concerned, whatever it may be, it will surely be the end. We feel so many things, but the point is, here I am. I thought I would be finished, an untimely demise would befall me due to emotion in March, then June, September, and of course December. I just think it's amazing that we reach points where we say, "this is the very best that it could be, the chances of another moment in my life surpassing this is very slim!" or diversely, "I feel as though I could never be so broken hearted again so long as I live; I am but the shards of the superstition contained in the remains of a shattered mirror". And here we are at the end of January in a brand new year, and here I am alive and well, freezing, but well, tired, but well. I guess what I am saying, is that time passes and there are new failures and joys all the time, and what we think is surely our end, is only a beginning for something else.
Old door--new window, that old song and dance.
but maybe the new window holds something like a CONTRACT, for instance?
You just go ahead and make of that what you will....