Where to begin...

My dearest friends,

This is completely personal, and not quilt related; by the end of the post I hope you will understand my sharing this bit of my life.

A week ago I checked myself into a hospital for severe depression, and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. THE ONLY REASON I SHARE THIS is in hopes of helping someone else who may be suffering. I've suffered with clinical depression off & on throughout my life, but due to the headaches I've been having since February (and are still unresolved) I finally got to the end of the road. My upbringing is all about getting over your problems, pushing ahead, not feeling sorry for yourself, and moving forward. Well, I had tried all of those things, until I just couldn't try any more. I went to my family doctor, and he suggested that I check myself in a hospital specializing in what I was going through. Normally I would have fought the suggestion, and said, "I'll be fine, it's okay"; because that is the standard answer in our family...but not this time, I was too exhausted, and too tired of fighting.

So I drove to the hospital, checked myself in...it was not what I was expecting! I thought I would get to sleep 12 hours a day, and get feeling better...no sir. We had lots of group therapy, individual therapy, and one on one sessions with doctors. What a blessing walking in that door was for me...and hopefully my family.

Currently I'm in an outpatient program for the next two weeks - what a blessing this is as well. The staff at this hospital couldn't be kinder, and more genuinely concerned with my well being. In case you're wondering, my diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder; I was grateful it wasn't anything more serious...not that this isn't serious.

So, that's where I've been, and that is what I've been up to; for once in my life, I'm taking care of myself. My Mom has been here for the last month, and I couldn't be more grateful for her kindness and support. Ashlee is coming in today, and I cannot wait to see her. I'm heartbroken about not attending market in SLC, but that is okay; there will be another one in less than 6 months.

I still have to have the batting drawing, which I haven't forgot about about; plus our quilt along show & tell. Thank you for your patience, your kindness, and your concern about my headaches. I've felt your prayers and I'm more grateful than you will ever know. Going through all of these challenges, I knew that I was never alone.

much love,

Cherri

p.s. the reason the blog post say Lizzy House at the top, is that Lizzy & I share a typepad account. If it's signed Cherri; then you know it's me...the Mom, not the daughter.

p.s.s. Start looking for the new copy of Quilts & More Summer 2011...there is a quilt on the cover from yours truly ♥

 

Comments

[Julie @ Jaybird Quilts]

i love you "mom." you are amazingly brave for sharing with the world & i'm here for anything you need.

-j

[Andrea]

Good for you, Cherri. :) YES! You need to take care of you first, so there's something left for those you love and love you.

We'll be here whenever you are ready.

[Sandy]

Hugs for you Cherri ...

[Nancy]

As the mother of two children that suffer with Bi-Polar, please know that I understand and applaud you for taking care of yourself...

[Ellyn]

God bless you in your recovery. Going through some similar things here. You have to take care of yourself! So glad you are

[Paula]

Knowing your limits is so important. I'm so glad you did this and that you are taking care of you. (((((hugs)))))

[Vicki]

Thinking of you... hope things continue to improve. I recently decided I needed to start telling people I went a little crazy after having my last baby, because we don't talk about these things very much, and it's hard for many of us. She was a preemie and I stayed a 5th day in the hospital after having her via c/section. Honestly, I think it was partly the Ambien I had been taking that kind of messed me up, along with facing leaving her there (going home without her) for an undetermined amount of time, that was just so hard for me.

Anyway things were still hard after we got her home (I was only away from her for 4 nights which was a blessing but those nights were so difficult....) and I found a great therapist who helped me with the postpartum depression as well as other problems/issues that came up in my life.

Thanks for sharing and I will continue to pray for you!

[Susan Maw and Sally Bell/Maw-Bell Designs]

Thinking of you, Cherri, and wishing you the best.

[Meg in CT]

Cherri, I had wondered why this space was empty lately--thank you for trusting us enough to share. I am glad that there is a light at the end of this tunnel for you--sometimes the very hardest part is accepting the help. My very best thoughts with you and yours.

[nicolette]

Dear Cherri, you are incredibly brave to share this on your blog. I really hope you will recover soonest. Taking care of yourself is top priority now. Take care, enjoy your family! I will be thinking of you. Hugs)))

[Debbie]

I had missed you and was very concerned. So glad to hear you have found good support. Blessings on your journey.

[paulettte Doyle]

Cheri, I am so pleased that you are taking the time for YOU. Thanks for sharing...it looks like you have incredible support, lean on them and accept any help that you can get! You will get through this a much sronger person! Hang in there and take care!
Paulette

[amy]

I am glad that you could take this step to take care of yourself. It is easier -and ultimately harder - to just keep letting the days go by as they are. Take good care, Cherri! I'll be thinking of you!!

[Mary on Lake Pulaski]

Hugs Cherri...

[Marguerita]

Cherri, good for you in recognizing the severity of your symptoms and for acting!! I am too proud of you for words! Depression and I are roommates, and no matter how many times I move, it always comes with me.

I almost wrote this same post last week - that's how much I can relate. I am really, really thrilled to read that treatment is working for you. Always know that I hold you in the highest regard and wish you well.

Your quilting pal, Marguerita

[tracy_a]

Cherri - all the best!

[Busy Little Quilter]

Cherri, I think a lot of people understand more than you realize, and I am one of them. I am so proud of you for taking care of yourself and for getting the help you need. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Big Hugs to you!

[Elizabeth]

It is refreshing to hear honesty. Taking care of yourself is wonderful. As for headaches, I can share that I have had them for my entire life. and Recently on a trip to the ER the doctor finally told me they were from high Blood pressure. New meds and I hardly have them anymore. Be well and take care of yourself. Lizzie

[Anna]

Cherri - I am so proud of you for taking care of yourself and getting the treatment you need. We briefly spoke when you were at the Philadelphia Modern Quilt Guild and I shared that I struggled with postpartum depression after I had my younger son. That depression lasted 2 years before I finally stabilized on my medications. A year into it, I checked into the hospital on the advice of my therapist and psychiatrist. While it was difficult to admit that I was actually sick enough to be hospitalized, I was tired of fighting it. It was the best move I made and felt like such a relief to let them take care of me and figure out how to get me better. (My favorite part was the art therapy!) After I was discharged, it still took several months to stabilize my meds and to feel "better," but I can say that today I am out from under the cloud of depression and that my medication is working! It is a great feeling to want to participate in life. Thank you so much for sharing...I hope that if there is anyone out there who is reading your blog and is also struggling, that this will give them the push they need to get help.

[Lynette]

Hi, Cheri - I'm sorry you've been going through such a struggle. I spent time in hospital many years ago for the same reason, and I have to say it was a BLESSING to my life. I'm glad you were able to take advantage of that resource, and I hope the outpatient program helps. None of us deserves to go through that dark tunnel.
{{{{{hugs!}}}}}

[Bari]

Cherri, depression runs in my family and I have suffered from it. I know agony it causes. I'm so glad you decided to get help. I can't tell you how finally giving in and asking for help changed my life. I'm sending you a great big virtual hug! Much love, Bari

[Katie B]

So glad you're taking care of yourself! And thank you for being open about your depression. I know it will help many readers!

[badlands quilts]

So glad you are taking care of you! I hope your headache mystery will resolve soon, so you can feel better! Lots of Hugs for you!

[Netta]

Cherri, Thanks for sharing your journey. You are an encouragement to me. So glad you were brave enough to seek help. Our mental health is so important and so often stuffed. Hugs to you..

[melody]

So sorry you've had to struggle so much with this, and so glad you're able to face it head-on. It was very brave of you to check yourself in to a hospital, and I'm so glad that you've gotten the treatment you need. I hope you get a great deal of relief... We'll all be thinking of you.

[Morgan]

Glad to hear you're doing better! I'm thinking of you and your family!

[jennifer]

i feel for you, cherri.

[julia]

oh, cherri...i really feel for you, because i know how hard depressions are. i'm also from a family where everyone says 'hey, i'm fine' although it's sometimes a blatant lie. you can be proud of yourself to have taken the step to get help. it's not an easy one. i've experienced myself that taking yourself serious/important enough can be very tough...it actually took me a long time accepting & believing in the fact that i'm allowed to seek for help.
i keep you in my thoughts...and i am hoping that you're in good hands...
greetings from across the pond,
julia

[Ellen Patton]

I'll remember you in my prayers.

[Rosamaría]

thanks for sharing, take care wonderful woman!!
hugs for you!

[Susanne]

Oh Cherri....it is so great to hear your voice. You are tremendously brave...it seems to me that the braver option by far is to give in and ask for help, than to battle on alone. I am sending you supportive thoughts and warm hugs.
Yours tenderly,
Susanne

[Bronwyn]

Good for you for recognizing that it's important to take care of yourself. You can't do all the good you to for others if you don't do right by yourself.

[Amber H]

Thank you for sharing your story. Hopefully, one person out there will read your story, and finally see the break in the dark clouds they have hanging over them. It doesn't have o be today, or tomorrow, but someday I think it will happen.

I really and truly love seeing your posts and tweets, and I respect and admire your knowledge with quilting!

Thank you for taking care of yourself.

[Merete Vatshelle]

All the best to you! Warm thoughts from Norway

[Marianne Haak]

Thank you for being so real....thinking of you.

[Sandi]

Your bravery in not only choosing to seek help but sharing your decision is inspirational. Depression affects so many of us in various forms, and unfortunately we have been conditioned to believe that needing help makes us less than. I wish you well in your recovery.

[Mary Ann]

Thank you for trusting us all enough to share. And thank goodness you had the heart, the head and the courage enough to take care of yourself. Thinking of you.

[Sandy (Strlady)]

I wish more people would write about this. I think many of us are raised in the same manner and sometimes 'getting over it' is not an option. The stigma attached to mental health hospital is ridiculous when bi-polar disorder and depression is known to affect so many of us. It not only affects the person with the disorder but the family that supports them. I'm so happy you sought help and that you are feeling better. I'll be thinking of you and praying for your health.

[pam]

Big giant hugs to you Cherri. xop

[Cathy A.]

I'm glad you're getting the care you need and that you've found a great place to get it! I hope it all continues to improve and that they headaches will be figured out, too!

[Mah]

Us mothers typically take care of everyone else. I am so proud of you and we have never met but we will at Houston. You and your family will be in my prayers. I include family because if they are doing good less pressure on you. Just a fact. Love your honesty and keeping it up will make each day a little easier. Much love sent your way!

[bea langeweg]

Hello and goodmorning.

I don't now you but have a great respect for you that you took matters in your own hand . Hat off for that .
Things wil go better , stay positive you did the best thing you could do
checking in your self . Love from Bea Canada

P.S. Love you book and quilts.

[Angela]

Thank you for sharing. I suffered from severe depression years ago. I checked myself into a 6 week day program and it was the best thing I've ever done. It helped me deal with things that had bothered me for years and to understand so much about myself and my past. Good for you. Feel better.

[Sandra Davidson]

Dear Cheri, I have been there and finally when I was in my 50's I did take care of myself and went through a 6 mon day program that helped me a lot. It is hard for mom's to look after themselves, we think as long as we are still moving we are okay but not so. Good for you and thanks for sharing. Blessings from Canada Sandra

[craftytammie]

i'm sorry to hear you're going through this - but so many of us (myself included) fight against depression and i'm glad you're getting the help you need. i had terrible migraines about a year ago, and increasing my meds took care of it. hope they figure something out for you!

[Dorothee]

Thank you for your honesty and strength. Yesterday I also took the first steps in being honest with myself that I couldn't just grit my way through this, that I wasn't managing and that in fact, I was just getting worse. I knew that I needed to listen to my doctor's advice and accept the help that is available. It felt momentarily better like this would be the fix, but of course it is still a process and still lots of work ahead, but I feel like at last I can embrace the change that needs to happen and from your post it sounds like you have reached that point also. All the best to you.

[Marty Mason]

Thanks for sharing your story. I too suffer from depression and have been helped with counseling/therapy. The more we share, the more we help.

[Jen]

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been suffering through this, but am so glad to hear that you are doing much better with the help of treatment. I pray that you will have continued success. In my thoughts.
- Jen

[patricia]

I am so glad you are on the road to wellness! I was really starting to worry about you. Thank you for sharing your story as I am sure it will do good for many people. Big hugs.

[Kathy]

Such a brave thing for you to do - to take care of yourself and to share it. I so admire you for doing what you need to do to take care of you. Hugs.