2012 was a curious year for me.
At the end of 2011 when I was getting offers for workshop jobs, I felt compelled to pass. I didn't have specific reasons or explanations, other than that it didn't feel like the right thing, and you know me, I want to do the right thing. I took some considerable time thinking about why it wouldn't be the right thing, why I should be home and not wherever in the world I would be otherwise... I felt grounded. I had at the time, also, a strong desire to move to New York at the end of the year, to be so much closer to so many people I love. Again, it wasn't the right thing. Grounded.
It's literally as if my security clearance was revoked. (I've been watching Alias)
So I stayed in Salt Lake. I hunkered down. I tried really really hard to make friends. I tried, for the first time in my life to plant some roots. My whole adult life (gross) I have been on the loose. I've been running and searching, and working, and seeing, all that was available to me. And when I look at it now, they were years well spent. They shaped and taught me lessons at a price that I could afford.
But 2012 was the year I stayed.
I took a few jobs that took me away, and every time I left, it was as if I had been given special permission to be where I was. But for the first time in my life, it felt like I had something to get home to. A life I had started in January, cultivated and kept, waiting for me. The year of the garden. That garden changed my life. It taught me lessons that I have needed, and have misunderstood for years, in a visual living breathing way that made sense to my better nature. I grew more in 2012 than I thought possible.
So here are some things that happened:
I got fit. I look fly. I didn't say super skinny, I said fit. I'm taking good care of myself, loving the Bar Method.
I made friends. The kind of friends that you're all like, "this is really rude I didn't know you sooner, oh well, what are we doing for dinner," kind of friends. The kind of friends that when you say your prayers at night, or write a list of all that you are grateful for, your little eyes well up and you can't see straight for three minutes because your heart swells up and pushes all the tears out. Gross, but true. The kind of friends that you are always telling people about, because you think they are amazing and you think everyone should be so lucky as to know them.
I killed it in the kitchen. This past year, I wanted to take my cooking/baking skills to the next next level. It worked. It's all about patience.
I learned a real lesson about patience, that made me more patient than you ever thought I needed to be.
I learned to be more trusting and not SOOOO guarded ALLLLLLLL the time. It's a work in progress.
I tried to cut being offended out of my life.
I've chosen love and honesty with myself, so I can continue to change and progress, without being unkind or overly critical. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I payed a lot of attention to this, as this has always been a one way ticket to a downward spiral for me.
I really put into practice taking people from where they are, not where I am. Again choosing love and honesty, not criticism or judgement.
I over all just stopped being so hard on myself. Which is real achievement, that actually solves a lot of problems for me. A clean sweep, truly.
I found out I am almost all the way Danish. (Not an accomplishment, just something that happened).
I had cascading Princess Hair.
I took time for myself. Like almost a whole year time. I knew that I might never get time to figure this kind of stuff out, figure myself out, and all that biz in such a concentrated way... so I read, took care of my garden, made a bunch of clothes, designed some fabric, visited with friends, rode my bike a lot, and made some plans.
I got really good at making dresses.
I had a serious epiphany in France.
I made the biggest, and very best commitment of my lifetime in March.
I realized how grateful I am for my little sweet life. If somehow it were frozen right here just as it is, it would be wonderful, and I could always be happy.
I became a life long gardener.
I chose to be happy, and it worked.
I'm just listing the positive outcome of these lessons... they were hard won. It got messy. But I didn't ruin a phone by crying into it this year... that's an accomplishment. It could, however, be that I was just on speaker phone most of the time instead of crying directly onto the device.
I think the biggest thing. Like the very biggest thing, is that I am getting better at remembering who I am all the time. We lose our way when we forget, but it's our job to remember, and I'm getting better at my job.
If I can give you one piece of advice, just one little thing to put in your pocket or sew into all your quilts, or spin into the thread that you tie onto your finger: choose happiness. Choose it every time. Do whatever it takes for your decisions, thoughts and actions to be based in love and not fear, and you will be happy. It will change your life. You will love yourself more, and you will love others more.
Peeps are that they might have joy.
That's a not so direct quote.
all my very best to you all in this New Year. I know it's going to be great. And BIG!!!