Where to begin...

My dearest friends,

This is completely personal, and not quilt related; by the end of the post I hope you will understand my sharing this bit of my life.

A week ago I checked myself into a hospital for severe depression, and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. THE ONLY REASON I SHARE THIS is in hopes of helping someone else who may be suffering. I've suffered with clinical depression off & on throughout my life, but due to the headaches I've been having since February (and are still unresolved) I finally got to the end of the road. My upbringing is all about getting over your problems, pushing ahead, not feeling sorry for yourself, and moving forward. Well, I had tried all of those things, until I just couldn't try any more. I went to my family doctor, and he suggested that I check myself in a hospital specializing in what I was going through. Normally I would have fought the suggestion, and said, "I'll be fine, it's okay"; because that is the standard answer in our family...but not this time, I was too exhausted, and too tired of fighting.

So I drove to the hospital, checked myself in...it was not what I was expecting! I thought I would get to sleep 12 hours a day, and get feeling better...no sir. We had lots of group therapy, individual therapy, and one on one sessions with doctors. What a blessing walking in that door was for me...and hopefully my family.

Currently I'm in an outpatient program for the next two weeks - what a blessing this is as well. The staff at this hospital couldn't be kinder, and more genuinely concerned with my well being. In case you're wondering, my diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder; I was grateful it wasn't anything more serious...not that this isn't serious.

So, that's where I've been, and that is what I've been up to; for once in my life, I'm taking care of myself. My Mom has been here for the last month, and I couldn't be more grateful for her kindness and support. Ashlee is coming in today, and I cannot wait to see her. I'm heartbroken about not attending market in SLC, but that is okay; there will be another one in less than 6 months.

I still have to have the batting drawing, which I haven't forgot about about; plus our quilt along show & tell. Thank you for your patience, your kindness, and your concern about my headaches. I've felt your prayers and I'm more grateful than you will ever know. Going through all of these challenges, I knew that I was never alone.

much love,

Cherri

p.s. the reason the blog post say Lizzy House at the top, is that Lizzy & I share a typepad account. If it's signed Cherri; then you know it's me...the Mom, not the daughter.

p.s.s. Start looking for the new copy of Quilts & More Summer 2011...there is a quilt on the cover from yours truly ♥

 

Comments

[Elizabeth McDonald]

Cheri, I am so glad that you were able to share your experience with depression with us! I am overjoyed that you are beginning to feel better, and I am thinking that you no doubt feel much less alone. I too suffer from clinical depression -- from childhood on, but not diagnosed till I was in my 50's. Every time someone is brave enough to speak out, it helps another person have the courage to seek help! Thank you for your courage!

[Jackie]

So happy for you to be doing this for yourself! As someone who totally understands, this is the best thing to do. Glad you are on the road to feeling better. And rest assured you have tons of people around you to always lift you up!

[Kelley]

Do what you need to do to take care of yourself!! Best wishes to you :)

[Lois Grebowski]

Hugs...

[kate]

good for you for recognizing you needed help! that's such an important step. thank goodness for your family-- having such a wonderful support system can only help. ((hugs)) to you as your continue to heal.

[Anita Amodeo]

Cherri, I'm so happy for you...taking care of yourself! and thank you for sharing such a personal issue. Hugs and kind thoughts going your way.

[melissa]

Thanks for sharing. I've been having trouble myself lately and just reading what you've written made my day a little easier.

[SuperMom]

It took a lot of courage to share your story with us all. I've been where you are... many years ago... a week in hospital, time in outpatient therapy. It was one of the best things I ever did for myself and my family. You'll come through this stronger and better able to face the future.

[Tracy]

Having had depression several times I am so glad that you have found something that helps you, and I hope they get the headaches sorted soon too.

[Zina]

Reading through the comments, it is obvious that we all share so many things besides quilting. I have suffered through major. depression as well, family history,etc. After treatment, the magic bullets for me were exercise and quilting.

Cherri, best of luck to you. Know that you WILL get better, and you have lots of support.

[SarahB]

Cherri, you are so brave, and I am so thankful you are on the way to getting better! I also know far too well that chronic pain and depression are a vicious cycle. The pain makes you not able to do anything, and that makes the pain worse. I hope that as your depression gets under control, your find a cure for your headaches as well.

[Julie Koehler]

Sending you an ehug.

[susanne]

I'd been concerned after not hearing from you in so long. Thank you for being willing to share your personal stuff with us.

[Valerie]

Thank you for sharing so honestly this part of yourself. I think the strongest thing is to ask for help when we need it. I have been so inspired by your quilt talents, and now inspired by your realness in your struggle. Hope the days ahead bring peace to you!

[Dianne Mitzel]

I am sure you have helped many women today with your honest approach to a part of so many lives. Too many try to solve this illness alone, and it is not something that just "goes away." I applaud you for getting help so that you can get on with your life. Thank you for sharing this personal journey with the many women who care about you..
t
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[Pam]

Dear Cherri, So glad you found the help you need to get your self back on track and feeling well. I suffered very quietly from post partum depression after my daughter was born. (she's 21 now) and I finally reached out for help after 7 months of misery. Better living through "chemistry" i.e. prozac and lots of walks and talk therapy and I managed to get on a even keel. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You are on the right path! I am excited to see how the next months go for you personally and artistically. xo Pam

[Deborah Scott]

Cheri from one who has been down that road, I'm super proud of you! Your headaches since February made me think you may be Gaba deficient. Dr. Eric Braverman in The Edge Effect states that a headaches is one of the side effects of being Gaba deficient. You don't even have to read the whole book just the first few chapters. Just thought it might help - and get well soon!! Hugs and more hugs!

[Hollie]

Cherri, thank you so much for sharing. You are so brave. It takes so much courage to face your disorder head on like you are doing right now and I applaud you for it. Stay strong and know you are in the right place. I will keep you in my thoughts.

[Pat V.]

Cherri, so glad you were able to find caring people who are able to help you. As a fellow sufferer I know it is difficult to seek help. Those who have not experienced depression often cannot relate, and don't understand why you don't just "buck up" or "get over it!" Sending many good thoughts your way.

[Kristel]

I'm so glad to hear you're doing everything you can to take care of yourself. I've been thinking about you a lot the last little while, since you've not been posting, hoping that everything is all right. And even though it hasn't been, I'm really glad you're getting there.

[Amanda m.]

Very glad to hear you aren't just "pushing through" and are taking time to care about you. I know how hard that can be. I have worked through depression too, and it is difficult, but you grow and learn so much about yourself. Thank you for sharing - our society needs to hear and learn and understand more about depression, and stop stigmatizing it, so that you for your bravery. You are a beautiful artist and quilter, and by taking care of yourself, you ensure that beauty to live on for many years to come! :)

[Debbie-Esch House Quilts]

Thank you so much for sharing what you are going through. I wish all the best for you and hope your courage is rewarded with a speedy improvement. I know there are a lot of us out here pulling for you!

[Dianne Ritter]

Depression is a sorry lifemate to have. Good for you for taking care of yourself and for sharing your story. You may not know it now but you have probably saved someone with your honesty. "it isn't the falling down that speaks of who we are, it is the getting up"
Holding you in my heart. :0)

[Linda]

I am glad you are taking care of yourself. You are such a wonderful and talented woman with lots to give and lots of people who care about you. Sometimes we have to 'hit bottom' before we know that we need help. Good for you for taking that first step to feeling better!!!! It's the hardest thing to do and then, when you start feeling better, you wonder why on earth it took you so long to do something. I am glad you are reaching out to your blog friends. We are there for you, and many of us share your illness. And there just might be someone who reads your post who will take her first step too.

[Katrina H]

Hugs Cherri!

[Jen Lund]

Cherri you are such an amazing woman! I am so grateful to know you! I am proud of the steps you are taking to take care of yourself. I am sure your Father in Heaven is proud too. You are a wonderful daughter of God filled with such light and talent!!! I am glad that you have your mom with you and that Ashlee is coming home to be with you as well. If you ever need anything, even if it is just to talk or to have help getting things ready to be mailed out, let me know, I'm just down the street. We love you!!!!!

[Debbie Gallett]

Glad you are doing better. We miss you and your great designs and quilts.

[Julie Thomas]

Cherri, sending hugs and hope your way! Julie in St. Louis

[Mary Jo]

Wishing you well. And good for you for staring a new family tradition- to take time to heal.
You are teaching an important message.
Know you are doing the right thing(s)

[Pam]

Thinking of you and sending good, strong, healthy vibes your way. Take your time for you. All the best - Pam

[Jessiclese]

I initially wrote a long response, but what it boils down to is: love you dove you <3

[Happyme]

Cherri, It was so good to see a post from you! As I was making dinner tonight I thought of you and decided I needed to tell you that I am thinking of you and praying for your well being. I am glad you are doing better and happy to hear that you are taking care of yourself in what you need to do. Know that there are many hearts out there pulling for you and wishing you well. May you feel God's strength in your journey ahead.

[wishes, true and kind]

I've had a similar struggle with depression all my life. Praying for you, and thanks so much for your transparency :D

[Beverley]

Keep on keeping on ... that's the saying and blessings to you on this Easter friday.

[Heather]

I've been worried about you and am so glad you're getting the help you need. It can be so hard to ask for help sometimes, but I'm glad you did. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you nothing the best.

xo,
Heather

[Tamie]

Cherri- you are in my prayers.

[siobhan toner]

I'm so glad you have been able to get such positive help and were strong enough to recognise you needed it. When I had my first bad depression, I struggled for a year before I told anyone which in hindsight was totally ridiculous. Once I went to the doctor I was able to manage and address things so much easier. Good luck with your progress.

[Lieve]

Take care of yourself and take your time to get better. I'll be thinking of you!!!

[Dana]

Therapy was the best think I have ever done for myself. I too was raised in a time when there was a stigma attached. Good for you for taking the steps you need to help yourself. It's an amazing thing to find yourself again.

[Sybil]

Sending tons of good vibes your way.

Sybil

[Dorian]

I'm so glad you took the step to get you on the road to recovery. I hope they can find out what your headaches are about too. Prayers go with you.

[upstatelisa]

Cheri, how brave of you to share your personal life with us. Mental health issues are so painful to tell to others, even your own family (I know!).
Praying for your continued healing! Lotsa hugs! (your DQS9 partner!)

[Miss Nancy]

Thank you for sharing your story. You have done the right things. Keep going with the therapy. Life is a journey of growth and learning. These are your steps. The wonderful person you are now will become even more wonderful.

Wishing you the best.

[AJ]

Congratulations on taking the steps to recovery. Often times it is difficult to admit that we need help. I think that asking for help is a sign of strength - not of weakness. If we did not ask for help - how would learn how to do anything.

Also, thank you for sharing your story. I think that the more people share their personal stories the easier it will be for others to seek help. I know that from my own experience, I would not have sought help if a dear friend of mine had not shared her own stories about battling depression.

Have faith in knowing that you will find your way.

[Cecelia]

Good for you...Depression is a misunderstood illness that can go unchecked for too long and be disastrous. It will be good for you and your family that you're getting the proper care. Best wishes in the battle. I fight it too.

[Rebecca (NZ)]

thankyou for sharing we have all missed you!

[Jill]

best to you as you heal and thank you so much for sharing

[Patty]

Thank you for sharing, depression can be crippling and it nothing to be ashamed of like I told my brother who suffers from this disease too, the shame is not accepting the help that is out there. Bless you Cherri, I am hopeful that there are brighter days ahead for you.

[Robyn]

Our family knows only too well what it is like to live with mental illness. What you did is so brave. That first step is so very hard, but it is the only way to get better. Have courage. You will be in my prayers.

[tammy]

it sounds like you are stronger than you thought, keep being true to yourself and your family

hugs